Like every homophobe who roams around with their head in their ass ( what? A cock can’t tease the Butcher? Pun intended.) would like to admit otherwise, homosexual people don’t become homosexual out of choice. Someone’s sexuality is predefined just like the color of their hair, color of eyes, what height they’ll grow up to and…the length they’ll grow up to. Now, the tricky part is, how honestly the person lives. People are aware of their inclination all the time but if they suppress it, they live their life never knowing their true self. Some know it. Some realize after 2-3 dates with opposite sex and for most of them it’s the fortunate/unfortunate 3rd peg of whisky.
Now, as much as society sees it as a threat to their “perfect” arrangement (I mean hats off to suggesting their gay son to fuck boys secretly after getting married to a woman!) it wasn’t the case all along. Now this is where you Google”Khajuraho Homosexual sculptures” and “LGBT Mahabharata”. It is believed that ancient India was much chill about their pleasures. I don’t know how we gradually got to this point where it is a taboo now but I think we’re moving in the right direction again. I mean we all tweeted 2 years ago with #byebyesection377 to get noticed didn’t we? Supreme court has allowed gay relationships in India. To be more precise they allowed gay and lesbian sex. ( Yeah, when was it that straight people were allowed to have sex with their partners in the privacy of their bedrooms?) But still India has a long way to go.
Now let’s hear my story. Why? Duh, I’m the blogger!
Like almost every gay kid I found men very interesting. I remember me wondering how my Mama’s ( Uncle’s) bare torso would look like when I was 4. Yup, I know! a twisted Oedipus complex. I was aware that I wanted to be close to certain men around me. Yet in my early teenage years, I wasn’t aware that my peers looked at women the same way I did at men. This was an uncomfortable realization when I was around 15. Around the same years I was also having fun with a certain guy. Swaroop (name’s made up. Duh!) was older than me by 5 years. We enjoyed what the guys on the grindr community call as ‘body play’. It was only about fun and we never looked at eachother romantically (If you’re reading, Hey swaroop!).
I’d say 9th grade was a turning point in my life. I allowed myself to look at other guys with hopes of intimacy and love. Samprit (again!) was special to me. Being one of the smart kids in the class, I loved explaining maths to him. I’d say that I was being paranoid but it was something when he’d put his hand on my thigh or look at me all smiling while I’m explaining him a sum or wrap his hands around my stomach on one of our sleepovers. Well it didn’t work out since school ended and we were in separate class in junior college and we grew apart.
It was same grade when I discovered that I was not alone. Men like me exist and they are in relationship with other men. I found out that I am called a homosexual or more sophisticatedly a ‘gay man’ and hell we are in numbers!
In coming years, I realized that I don’t have to get married to a woman even if that was the only option provided. As a gay man, I was supposed to find a boyfriend, fall in love with him and eventually get married and adopt kids. Little did I know, that was not what this country had planned for me. I realized that for most of people on internet I was just a butt of a joke, the movies represented us as something to laugh at and that if I want to survive I should shut the fuck up or I’ll be either beaten or secluded.
Fast forward today, After number of fake accounts on Facebook, Planet Romeo, grindr, after almost all the movies on homosexuality, after number of books on psychology and self help, after 4 hookup attempts, several connections with people of the community, coming out to my parents and not being accepted, I’m here! Single. Tired of dating apps. Tired of looking for a partner. Tired of only finding married gay and bisexual men, some of them who are actually nice but can’t commit. Tired of being visible to be honest. Tired of coming out every time I’m in a new place with the fear of losing nice people because they won’t accept me. Tired of feeling different just because of who I want to love.
No no! I’m not asking you to pity me. No! this ain’t some sympathy trick. Actually this is every one of us’s story. The point of telling my story is we all have been through same. With that guy or girl in our teens, we all have been hopelessly romantic.We all get fed up of dating. We all felt different and rejected sometime in our life. We all struggle with letting out secrets and living a truthful life. Difference is homosexual counterparts get a little extra toppings on their Pineapple Pizza.
Now, when I came out to my roommate a year ago, he was all supportive and stuff. But a month later he asked me how are you guys natural if you can’t reproduce? And I think, that question crossed everyone’s mind too, no matter if you’re an ally or not. My exact words at that moment were “oh I didn’t know straight people humped only with the intentions of reproduction! Oh wait! Why do you people use condoms and contraceptions again?”
I hope I answered your question. Sex isn’t only about reproduction. It’s about pleasure too. Wait! It’s rarely about reproduction, isn’t it? . Anyways! If it wasn’t meant to be then bisexual women wouldn’t have reported sex with woman as more intense and guys wouldn’t have gone crazy when he hits the G-spot. Oh yeah!, guys have G-spots too.
So, with that being said.(I mean I said a lot, haven’t I?) I think you guys have got it. We all are humans with all sorts of feelings and the most intense and powerful of them all is Love. Too universal that it’s everywhere. Too beautiful to hide. Too pure to be caged. So why we show hatred if that’s gonna bring misery to someone’s life. It’s hard to find true love, we know, but why hate it if that’s not your conventional definition. Why not look at it for what it is and not with fear.